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Thread: Had miscarriage and feeling devastated

  1. #1
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    Had miscarriage and feeling devastated

    Hello everyone,

    I just experienced my first loss through miscarriage and i feel rotten, down and devastated.
    I don't know what went wrong. Somehow my body came short of pregnancy. Supposed to be 9 weeks pregnant now but gynae found out that sac have stopped growing at no heartbeat was heard during my last checkup. He told me sac only measured around 7 weeks which is pretty small for 9 weeks of pregnancy.

    He is waiting for me to allow him to do abortion or to begin bleeding. I can't decide right now so i'm taking things at its own course.

    Has anybody here experienced the same thing?
    How do you move on from the experience?

  2. #2
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    Hello Gemus,

    Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I know it's hard to do it right now but you have to be strong and be optimistic.
    I went through miscarriage twice and the pain feels no less than the first but i choose to remain positive despite being devastated. I had DC for the first miscarriage because it was around 12 weeks but the 2nd one i didn't need it since it was gone when it was around 6 weeks. Gynae is conducting scans with my ovary to determine what caused the miscarriage. Will have a series of tests in the coming weeks and i don't feel like doing it but i really want to have a child now. We've been married for 3 years already and still no kid to play with at home.

    Don't worry, everything will be fine. You just have to stay hopeful.
    Cheer up! Life is beautiful.

  3. #3
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    Thank you Cheeria. Your words of encouragement made me feel a little bit better.

    I see you had natural miscarriage for the second one. How does it feel?

    I know i'm talking about old wounds. Please feel free to talk about it if you feel comfortable. I don't want to hurt someone with my questions.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gemus View Post
    Thank you Cheeria. Your words of encouragement made me feel a little bit better.

    I see you had natural miscarriage for the second one. How does it feel?

    I know i'm talking about old wounds. Please feel free to talk about it if you feel comfortable. I don't want to hurt someone with my questions.

    It's okay Gemus. You don't need to worry about it because i've already accepted it and have let go. Anyway, if you think that talking about it will help you then it's my pleasure to be of help.

    Well, natural miscarriage felt like you're having menstruation. The only difference is you will experience very bad cramping. If you experienced dysmenorrhia, the pain is a little bit more than that. Anyway, you will feel that something is wrong when you start seeing blood unexpectedly. When i started bleeding, my hubby rushed me to the hospital immediately. Gynae didn't think i need DC so she just prescribed me with some pain killers.

  5. #5
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    Hi Gemus.

    I feel your pain.
    I underwent the same painful experience a year ago. I had miscarriage with my first baby and it felt like a part of me have died together with my unborn baby.

    I'm just glad that i have my family and friends who comforted me during those dark times. Most of my friends consoled me with kind words telling me that everything happens for a reason and that a more beautiful blessing will come after. My family told me that my body was simply releasing bad fetus to prevent it from coming into this world with disabilities. Somehow they sounded true.

    Perhaps you would like to ask for second opinion about your condition if you're having doubts with your gynae's opinion. If your gynae asked you to wait for your next checkup before she will decide on the matter, that means you still have hope. But i suggest not to let your hopes up too much so you won't feel so down.

    Sometimes there are cases where heartbeat can't be heard. Let's just hope for a positive outcome and be strong.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by avio101 View Post
    Hi Gemus.

    I feel your pain.
    I underwent the same painful experience a year ago. I had miscarriage with my first baby and it felt like a part of me have died together with my unborn baby.

    I'm just glad that i have my family and friends who comforted me during those dark times. Most of my friends consoled me with kind words telling me that everything happens for a reason and that a more beautiful blessing will come after. My family told me that my body was simply releasing bad fetus to prevent it from coming into this world with disabilities. Somehow they sounded true.

    Perhaps you would like to ask for second opinion about your condition if you're having doubts with your gynae's opinion. If your gynae asked you to wait for your next checkup before she will decide on the matter, that means you still have hope. But i suggest not to let your hopes up too much so you won't feel so down.

    Sometimes there are cases where heartbeat can't be heard. Let's just hope for a positive outcome and be strong.
    Thank you for sharing your experience and for giving some tips.
    Honestly, i don't like to wait for my next appointment because my husband will not be around by that time. He will travel outside the country for work reasons. I really don't want him to go because i'm scared of what will happen to me once bleeding starts but his mom is arriving in 2 days so i won't be alone.

    Actually i'm thinking about consulting another gynae but decided to wait for my next appointment and what my gynae will have to say about it. If i'm not convince i will take it from there.

    Again, thanks for the kind words.

  7. #7
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    Hi there, you are not alone. Lots of mummies have experienced miscarriage. Others have to undergo a very painful and difficult miscarriage to the point of risking themselves while some only experienced pain like having menstruation. Whatever it is, a pregnant woman still feels the pain of losing a child.

    My experience was somewhat similar to yours. No heartbeat was detected at 8 weeks but gynae asked me to wait for a couple of weeks before deciding on what we need to do. While waiting for my next appointment, i consulted another gynae at TMC. I trust my gynae but 2 heads are better than one and i want to hope that the result will be reversed. However, the odds were not in my favor because the gynae at TMC confirmed that my baby has no heartbeat at all. After knowing this and accepted my fate, i asked my gynae for an abortion.

    I couldn't explain how painful it was and how down i was but i'm glad i was able to come out stronger from that experience. I lost my dad due to cancer the previous week before i lost my child so it was a double dose of pain for me. I'm glad my husband, friends and family were there to comfort me and give me encouragement to go on with life.

    After 4 months, i got pregnant again and this time it was successful. I have a 2 year old pretty daughter now.

    So cheer up and be strong.
    A blessing is coming after this.

    Smile

  8. #8
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    Hello Gemus,

    I suggest to get a second opinion. I did the same 6 months ago when my gynae told me fetus has no heartbeat. Unfortunately both doctors ruled out the same result so i have no choice but to let go of my child. Although it is painful to be told the second time around that there is no hope, still the baby is worth all the chances you can give. Here's a little fact for you. Usually a miscarriage during first 3 months of pregnancy is caused by chromosomal abnormalities which makes the baby to stop growing. So don't blame yourself for not being a good mom or for not taking care of your unborn child because that is a cause of nature.

    I'm confident that your next pregnancy will be successful. That's the usual case unless of course if there is problem with your uterus or some fertility issues. But let's not talk about it now.
    I hope you will feel better soon. Rest well and take care of yourself.

  9. #9
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    Hi everyone.

    Sorry for not coming here soon. I had the D&C last week. Gynae and I have talked about my condition at great length and it has been decided that the baby needs to be taken out from my system, otherwise i will be in danger. I called my husband who is on a trip and told him about what happened. We cried together on the phone and felt better afterwards. He told me not to be sad too much because we will be making another one once he comes back from the trip and i laughed. Hahaha.

    Day by day i feel better and at peace. My friends and family comforted me during that difficult time and I'm glad to say that I'm ready for another pregnancy.

    Thank you all for your suggestions and love.

  10. #10
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    So sorry to hear for your loss. However, you need to be congratulated for moving on and accepting what happened.
    I'm glad you feel better now. Miscarriage is not easy. I went through mine 2 years ago and i still remember how painful it was.

    I hope that the second time around will be successful. I'm sure you will have a beautiful angel in the future.
    You take care and stay healthy.

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